Apple could afford to buy everyone in the United States an iPod Touch and still have money left over.

As of the end of fiscal year 2010, Apple Inc. had $75.18 billion in total assets. With an excess of 311 million people in the United States (and counting), Apple’s total assets are just shy of being able to buy every American a $249 160 GB iPod classic. ($75,180,000,000/311,836,448* people=$241.09 per person). That would be $8 per person, or $2.5 billion total, short.

The slightly more affordable 8GB iPod Touch is $229. Theoretically, if Apple sold off all of its assets and used all that money to buy an iPod Touch for everyone, they would still have roughly $3.7 billion left. Of course, this requires that you ignore the very obvious question of “If Apple sold all its assets, who would it buy the iPods from?”.

*The Census website's population clock updates in real time, so that number will be out of date by the time you read this.